Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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