i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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