i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
