i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
