when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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