I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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