Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm at about main and main street
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
