I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
