Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just pee around me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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