There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
