you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
