she woke up with a sticky ear
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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