this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
