Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
