What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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