Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
