I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
