I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
