I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
