You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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