i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
