If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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