My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
