I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
