i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
