Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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