She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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