2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
