Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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