32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
