Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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