whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
