she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
