is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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