Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
