so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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