I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
