I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
