escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
