just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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