That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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