i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Randomize
