ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
