New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Text me some of your sweat
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
