It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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