We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
