hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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