she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
