No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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