i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
