my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
