They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She needs sedatives and a leash
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
